Carlos.....

I am going to try to tell this story with detail but without my feelings ....

My housemate really wanted some pizza so we decided to accompany her. It was raining so when we got to Dominoes we decided to eat there. As I was on my second slice,(of a personal pan pizza) a child runs up and finds shelter from the rain at the entrance of the restaurant. He was definitely soaked. He looked so young. You could see that he was cold. He was carrying the little wooden box to shine shoes. He was just staring at the street.

I called for him… “Amigito! Veni!” (come here) So he did. I asked him if he wanted pizza. He said yes. So, I gave him my pizza (it was a personal so two slices were left.) He was so quiet… as he ate just staring at the floor. I could tell he was on the streets a lot bc of the familiar smell of when I worked in a homeless shelter.

I didn't want to make him uncomfortable but I also didn't want him to sit there in silence. So, while having a convesation...I found out....

His name was Carlos.
He was 9 and he worked from 8am – 11pm.
He had three brothers and he was the youngest. His other brother sold gum on the streets.

Then, my housemate asks... "do u go to schoo?" He said yes. I jumped in, "what time? (on the weekends or maybe it was seasonal I thought cause he said he worked 8am to 11pm)" He smiled and said ... "No, I dont go to school."

My housemate went and bought him a coke. When we were all done, we parted ways. It was around 9pm, so he still had two hours to work in the rain.

As I was walking back to the apartment. I felt a ball of grief in the pit of my stomach and the words “It is NOT fair!” stuck in my throat. Then I remembered what a 3L said. “I think it is easy for poor people to say to rich people, ‘hey, give some of it up so we can rise and you can fall – and we could meet in the middle!’ Bc if they (the poor) had money, they wouldn’t give it up.”

I don’t understand how she could believe that. Because if that is true - she is saying that all rich people are selfish and evil. That they would make the conscious choice to NOT give up privileges and luxuries so that others could have it and we could all be the same – we could meet in the middle. We could all have a fighting chance. Especially SINCE the rich people are directly linked to the causes contributing to Carlos' poverty.

If that is true.... then where is Diosito?

Dame un centavito por favor

Poverty, Discrimination, Apathy?

There are a hundreds of children and woman selling in the streets of San Cristobal de Las Casas. Day. Night. And dawn. They are all indigenous and are selling their weavings. The children are selling toys, gum, roses, or are offering shining your shoes. The ones that are not selling anything just say, “ dame un centavito por favor….” It damn breaks your heart!

At night between the hours of 9pm and 3am, in front of the cathedral indigenous woman sit on the floor with their crafts in front of them. They are there with their children and babies. The scene is so impacting, I have been thinking – contemplating it since I have arrived.

I am very conscious and socially active. But the image of poverty link with discrimination and child labor is causing me to become two things – either break into tears or completely ignore it. Clearly neither are efficient options.

What I understand

I understand that the child labor is not forced by the parents but it is a necessity because of the level of poverty they are dealing with. I also understand that because of discrimination the ones I see at 1am sitting on concrete with their newborns and toddlers are indigenous. I understand that no parent wants their newborn outside in the cold all night or their toddler playing barefooted on the street at 2am. I also understand the reality of politics attributing to their poverty. I can also see the link between NAFTA a.k.a U.S. foreign Policy – and their poverty.

The question

What I am trying to figure out is what should my response be. Should I just use it as encouragement for me to continue to strive to help fight against inequality, injustices, and discrimination. Or is the fact that I feel like crying every night because of the reality of these children so much that I need to literary block it from my mind?
I don’t even think my description could give justice of what emotions rise in you as you see the woman and children on the cold concrete floor at 2am selling their works. It is too much to understand – in my case- with a tear rollin down ur cheek.

Fuerte, Feo, y Formal

I am asked if I am pregnant about twice a month. Anyone who thinks I am exaggerating has only to go out with me a couple of times to realize this is 100% true. I remember being 13 when my neighbor told me... "You must be having triplets because that is two big for even twins!"

I am chubby! Always have been and I especially carry my weight in my stomach. So, yea it sucks and I try my best to be in shape. Its hard. I LOVE being active but its hard for me to loose weight.

But then I get annoyed bc I think I am fine how I am. I tell everyone I don't think Im pretty but I sure am nice and sincere. But as I have grown up - aka now in my middle twenties when everyone and their mama is getting married - everyone finds it their business to tell me to loose weight or I wont have someone love me! My mom even told me I am a $50 ring but look like a $10 ring which is why people don't cherish me.

I find that absurd as long as I am fine with myself isn't that what matter. I know I lead a crazy fucking life with 3 jobs, law school, family, and 5 non-profits I belong too. I try to my make my HEALTH a priority not getting skinny.

But lately everyone keeps pointing it out like it upsets them. I don't understand. Usually, I can brush it off but yesterday it showed me some events where I cannot forget it because it is right there in my face.

We went out to a dance club last night with a bunch of girlfriends for Shelly's bday. As I was getting ready, I realized fuck.. I love dancing but hate going to clubs with my girlfriends. Why? Because they are all super cute and SKINNY and get asked to dance while I end up standing there waiting for them to be done. It sucks. It makes me feel so ugly. Now, like I said. I know im not hot but I know im a nice person. But I am thinking that really doesn't matter when you want a partner, a relationship. And THAT, makes me sad. So, as I am sitting there all alone and feeling pretty ugly I start thinking ... maybe I should loose weight - stop what I am doing- and focus on loosing weight.

But then I think, if I do loose weight how the fuck will I ever know if someone will love me for me? Ugh॥ this my friends sucks......

Inspired by Caramelo……
Feo, Fuerte, y Formal
Twenty-five year old first generation Guatemalan American. Bilingual. Nice, sincere, and passionate. A social activist, who is very out spoken. Chubby – especially in the mid section. Curses like a sailor and loves like Sahiry. I am extremely ambitious and goal-oriented. Adventurous and loves the outdoors. Impulsive. Doesn’t want kids but is open to rethinking it later in life.
Looking for a man from thirty and up… must be socially conscious and spiritual. Hard working but loves life. Happy and family oriented. Not a drunk or machista. Loves music, adventurous, and Compassionate.